i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
