i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
