when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
