You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
