life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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