she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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