remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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