the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We need to rekindle our bromance
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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