Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
