Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
