Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
