I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
