after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
