If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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