she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think i got beer on your cat.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
