and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
