JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
