What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
