I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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