I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
