listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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