I cannot find my penis.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize