so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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