Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
