Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
