And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
