Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
