why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
