I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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