Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
