no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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