and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
