I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
