you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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