She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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