By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
