you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
