I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
