In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
