I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
