I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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