The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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