we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
