you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
