I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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