Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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