Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize