Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
