The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
