When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
