it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize