Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
