hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
