she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
