Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
