I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
