what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
