Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
