I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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