the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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