I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
do nipples grow back?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
