Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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