i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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