Do you still have your period?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
