I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
