I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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