I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
