so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
