kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
