WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
