At least make sure they are 18
Why
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
