I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think my tv is drunk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
