Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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