Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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