they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
