you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
